Recipe: How to Make Homemade McRibs

The McRib is not back [edit: yes it is!], but The Condiment Bible is sick of waiting.  We've heard all the cult stories (there aren't enough pigs in the U.S. to meet McRib demand, the McRib is part of a viral marketing "you want what you can't have" scheme, blah blah blah) and we've waded through the bullshit false alerts on the McRib Locator.  Frankly, we're sick of the hype...and today, we took matters into our own hands.

STEP 1:  Secure ingredients

• Bremer BBQ Sauce and Boneless Rib Shaped Pork Patties
• Nature's Pride Country White Deli rolls
• White onion
• Sliced dill pickle chips
• Bull's-Eye BBQ sauce
• Kraft BBQ sauce
• Light corn syrup
• Tester batch of McD's BBQ sauce

Everyone knows the heart and soul of the McRib is the pork patty, molded to look like a miniature rack of ribs.  This was the hardest ingredient to procure (we got ours at ALDI, the creepy single-brand grocery store you've probably never heard of).  We also heard through the McRib cult grapevine that JTM Food Group makes a suitable Boneless Pork Grillin' Rib.

STEP 2:  Mix BBQ Sauce

• 1/2 cup Kraft BBQ sauce
• 1/3 cup Bull's-Eye BBQ Sauce
• 1 tsp light corn syrup 

BBQ sauce is an essential component of the McRib.  We scored some tester packs of McD's BBQ sauce but determined that the McRib must use some hybrid (the taste was off from our memory).  After some Googling, we found the above recipe, which was as close as we could remember to the real deal.

Disclaimer:  This is about the only time we would ever buy Kraft BBQ sauce.

 

STEP 3:  Pork shower

The Bremer patties come soaked in some awful red goop they refer to "delicious spicy bbq sauce."  We showered this nastiness off after defrosting the whole package.

STEP 4:  Pat dry

Next, we patted the pork patties dry.  Note the molded rib shape and the pre-burned sear marks.

 

STEP 5:  Grill

We grilled the pork patties on medium-high, with a 600° initial sear (those are our grill marks, not the fake ones seen in Step 4).  They took about 3-4 minutes to heat through.

 

STEP 6:  Assembly

We chose the closest bun we could find to match the real thing, but there was still a half-inch overhang on each end of the patty.  Our pickles were a farm fresh dills (sliced thin) and we used the traditional white onion, sliced length-wise. 

We used Google images and the above diagram for assembly reference.

STEP 7:  Enjoy the deliciousness

Our homemade McRibs weren't perfect, but TCB believes they were the closest approximation of the McRib possible.  McDonald's, we thank you for forcing our hand to create this awesome McRib recipe. 

First image:  McRib is back, baby.  McRib is back, by permanently scatterbrained